A LOTTA STUFF- LET’S START WITH NORTH KOREA

The buzz this week, of course, has been North Korea's missile tests. Watching the talking heads and the utterly incompetent John Bolton warbling out inanity after inanity, I just had to take a step back, and spend a few hours playing GenePool, to cool off.

Now, foolish prattle is only to be expected from the corporate media, but the stubborn ignorance that earmarks this administration still galls, after all of these years. Seeing the usual suspects from the Bush Bowl appear on the talking head shows and voice their hopes that North Korea will "Listen to world opinion" was laughable, in so many ways.

Firstly, the United States of America currently labors under a government that gives not one whit for world opinion. From the Kyoto agreement, to the treaty outlawing landmines, to the global crisis of AIDS, poverty, and a host of other issues, the Bush Bowl has pursued a policy remarkable in its disregard for global welfare and safety.

But before I get off on yet another tear against the corrupt gang that holds sway here in the United States, I would do well to bear in mind that the purpose of my rambling tonight is the DPRK (Democratic People's Republic of Korea.) As I begin, I must state that in no way do I consider myself a specialist on the vagaries of North Korean internal affairs. However, the DPRK being such a puzzling oddity among nations, I've spent a great deal of time studying this elusive state, and apparently, know more about it than the guy who writes Tony Snow's daily briefs does..

Thus, I answer the statements of Condi Rice, John Bolton, Rumsfeld, and the rest of the usual idiots:

Will the North Koreans listen to world opinion? No- they won't. Hell- they don't even listen to their only ally in the world- China.

The "Modern" state of North Korea has, as their defining philosophy, a principle called "Juche"- a very short word that is deceiving, for behind it lies a complex pseudo-marxist rigmarole that would both confound and bore the pants off of anyone with any knowledge of modern holistic statesmanship- but again, perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself.

When the Korean war came to an uneasy end with an uneasy truce that exists to this day, the two states that made up the Korean peninsula were out of balance. The communist, industrial north was, in the years following the war, richer, and actually far more prosperous than their sister state to the south. During this time, the now deceased "Eternal President" of North Korea, Kim Il Sung, allegedly penned his philosophy of "Self-Reliance" (Juche). This philosophy came about as a result of Kim Il Sung's critical review of socialist societies of the past, in which he cited outside influences and trade as corrupting influences. North Korea was to be unique among the socialist movement- it was to become totally self-sufficient, and thus, would never have to ask any other nation (even their allied states in the former communist bloc) for any help. Thus, their revolution would be preserved, pure and pristine.

South Korea, on the other hand, labored under a dictatorship until the waning years of the 20th century, eventually opening itself to democracy, after which it became one of the largest economies in the world, exporting everything from food to cheap cars. Their industry boomed, while their friends to the north (predictably) collapsed into a bizarre, inbred police state that could only export low-grade concrete mix to China.

Any chance for reform in North Korea was quashed, when Kim Il Sung died, and was elevated to an incorporeal position of head of state, while his son took their reigns of power (the irony of hereditary power in an allegedly marxist state will have to pass without comment, here- the DPRK is a pretty inscrutable place.)

When floods and droughts caused widespread famine in what was supposed to be a utopian self-sufficient state, the powers that be on Pyongyang had to drink bitter wine, and accept outside help- a painful humiliation that required desperate measures under the principles of Juche: The harnessing of the atom.

The reason for this was twofold: First and foremost, a reclusive state which felt backed into a corner was left with but one option to keep a (as they saw it) hostile world at bay- the most feared and horrific of weapons- the nuke. Secondly, they believed that a nuke built under the principles of Juche would force their enemies to meet them as an equal, at the negotiating table.

(Negotiating table? Eric- you just said that the DPRK didn't gave a rat's ass about world opinion- what's all this about "negotiation?" Be still, grasshopper- you must understand- The North Korean regime sees actions taken internally (such as building the nuke) as a method of gaining leverage with the hated outside world. Events in the outside world that result from internal actions are the fruits of Juche, in their view. Inconsistent? Yep. Hypocritical? Well, duh! Myopic? You betcha- but that's the way they do things, and they ain't gonna change, anytime soon.)

And that's where the numerous problems with the Bush Bowl's approach to this situation emerge. The North Koreans, due to the insane nature of their government, are going to act in their typically bizarre way, and quite frankly, despite what the idiots in the higher levels of power here in this country say, nothing is going to stop them. Wishing for regime change in North Korea is like wishing that an ant colony will open up a McDonalds and a Starbucks.

Bush, being the idiot that he is, destroyed any chance of rapprochement with the DPRK twice- once when he named them as part of his non-existent "Axis of Evil", and again, when he summed up his feelings about the DPRK by saying that he "Loathed" Kim Jong Il.

In 2004, one of the main differences between the approach of Bush and president-in-exile John Kerry was that Bush favored the six-party talks, while Kerry favored direct negotiations.

The problem with six-party talks is that the DPRK wants direct negotiations with what it perceives as their #1 enemy- the United States. The government of that country wants to be treated as an equal on the world stage, and quite frankly, sees six-party talks as an exercise in futility. They know that in any such talks, the United states is the one with the most pull- so why not cut out the middle man, and go mano-a-mano with the big boy?

The neocon diehards will say "We can't dignify the North Korean Regime, by agreeing to face-to-face negotiations." Nice move there, dumbass. Every three months that we "refuse to dignify", another nuke is added to the DPRK arsenal, more missiles are built, and the whole situation becomes more volatile.

(BTW- in closing- whenever I criticize the DPRK, I inevitably get a dozen e-mails from misguided hard-left folks who, for some reason, see it as their duty to defend the indefensible, saying that the DPRK is a "misunderstood" worker's paradise of flowers, happy kittens, and never ending love. Screw that. The DPRK is a failed state, and quite frankly, is as much a disgusting perversion of communism, as Bush's america is a loathesome dark shadow of republican democracy. I sincerely hope that these dead-enders of the communist left don't bother me with their missives, this time around...)